You Might Have a New Baby If…

You might have a new baby if:

• Every room has decorative accents of burp cloths, diaper supplies, and pacifiers.
• Conversations are held in whispers and gestures.
• Time becomes “a day without a night and a night without a day.”
  Or, if you’d rather, “a hard day’s night.”
• Random baby items like socks or Onesies show up in every load of laundry. They’re not always ones you recognize.
• You call everyone in the family “You” or the baby’s name. Sex doesn’t matter.
• Sex doesn’t matter.
• While you’ve worn the same pair of pants for days, the baby ends up ‘wearing’ whatever looks passable by bedtime.
• Dinner is now served to the hit song “It’s My Evening and I’ll Cry if I Want To.”
• Holding the baby becomes both a reward and a threat.
• Everyone’s voice has become higher-pitched, and their words end with “ootchie.”
• No one seems to mind any of this

©2020 Chelsea Owens

Photo Credit: Filip Mroz