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“Before becoming a parent, I didn’t know I could ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on.”

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“I just had to apologize to a toy alligator and kiss a racecar goodnight. Parenthood is weirder than I thought it’d be.”

Thank you, Pinterest.

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“I need a new maid because the current one sucks. Also, she is me.”

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“My nickname is Mom, but my full name is Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”