January 2020 – I Didn't Want to Be a Mother

Time for Baby

January 27, 2020

I don’t know why
I thought to sleep
or

I don’t know why
I thought to sweep
and

I am not sure
When I will eat
or

I am not sure
When I will pee
and

I can’t think when
A movie I’ll see
or

I can’t think when
I’ll put up my feet
for

I forgot how
Much that he needs
and

I forgot how
To have a baby.

raul-angel-mcKqoZh0DkI-unsplash

Photo Credit: Raul Angel

You Might Have a New Baby If…

January 23, 2020

You might have a new baby if:

Every room has decorative accents of burp cloths, diaper supplies, and pacifiers.
Conversations are held in whispers and gestures.
Time becomes “a day without a night and a night without a day.”
Or, if you’d rather, “a hard day’s night.”
Random baby items like socks or Onesies show up in every load of laundry. They’re not always ones you recognize.
You call everyone in the family “You” or the baby’s name. Sex doesn’t matter.
Sex doesn’t matter.
While you’ve worn the same pair of pants for days, the baby ends up ‘wearing’ whatever looks passable by bedtime.
Dinner is now served to the hit song “It’s My Evening and I’ll Cry if I Want To.”
Holding the baby becomes both a reward and a threat.
Everyone’s voice has become higher-pitched, and their words end with “ootchie.”
No one seems to mind any of this

filip-mroz-oko_4WnoM98-unsplash

Photo Credit: Filip Mroz

Short, Sweet, Sleep

January 20, 2020

“Have more positivity.” They smile, and pat my head.

I’d have more positivity if I went back home to bed.

vladislav-muslakov-CwIU33KGToc-unsplash — That woman is wearing earrings and nail polish. There’s no way she’s sleeping.

Did You Go Swimming Today? and Other Post-Delivery Fallacies

January 16, 2020

Hi, Mom.

“Hi, honey! Were you sleeping?”

No… (I was. I try to sound perkier.) What’s up?

“Oh! I’m at Wal-mart, and all their Christmas stuff’s 75% off!”

That’s great… but I’m not schlepping around yet.

“Oh… okay. I just thought you’d want to know.”

Okay. (I try to sound grateful and happy.) Thanks for telling me…

My mother’s a great person. I’m indebted to her for everything, beginning with the gift of life. However, I’ve noticed she’s not really aware of what I’m experiencing this time around the pregnancy and recovery loop. That exchange is just one example; though, to be fair, she called around 10 a.m. and not earlier. Odds are I was probably awake. She just happened to forget that I couldn’t go shopping yet since I’m STILL HEALING from a C-Section.

She’s not the only one, either.

A neighbor of mine asked if I was going to attend a Christmas choir concert about a week after I’d delivered. I responded:

No, Carol*. C-Section.

Just today, my husband took the other boys to a swimming pool with their grandparents. A friend texted, asking if I was going. As in, asking if I were swimming.

No, I can’t.

*Not supposed to?*

No, and don’t feel like it.

That’s the beauty of the C-Section recovery, I suppose: while I’m not allowed to do certain activities, I also don’t FEEL up to them. Heavy-lifting? Too tired and weak. Picking that diaper up off the ground? My sore stomach region says, “No bending.” Swimming at a pool? Can’t fit into a suit.

It’s not just me recovering, either.

“Hey, Mom!” (It’s my son that loves fun, just before going to the pool.) “D’ya want me to get the car seat?”

The baby’s not going to the pool.

“Why not? He has a suit.”

(I smile.) That won’t fit him quite yet. Also, he’s too little and would get too cold right now.

“Okay!”

Maybe by the time summer comes around, both the baby and I will be up for more. We’ll at least both fit into our swimsuits by then.