You Might Have a New Baby If…

You might have a new baby if:

  • Every room has decorative accents of burp cloths, diaper supplies, and pacifiers.
  • Conversations are held in whispers and gestures.
  • Time becomes “a day without a night and a night without a day.”
    Or, if you’d rather, “a hard day’s night.”
  • Random baby items like socks or Onesies show up in every load of laundry. They’re not always ones you recognize.
  • You call everyone in the family “You” or the baby’s name. Sex doesn’t matter.
  • Sex doesn’t matter.
  • While you’ve worn the same pair of pants for days, the baby ends up ‘wearing’ whatever looks passable by bedtime.
  • Dinner is now served to the hit song “It’s My Evening and I’ll Cry if I Want To.”
  • Holding the baby becomes both a reward and a threat.
  • Everyone’s voice has become higher-pitched, and their words end with “ootchie.”
  • No one seems to mind any of this

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©2020 Chelsea Owens

Photo Credit: Filip Mroz

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“Before becoming a parent, I didn’t know I could ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on.”