November 30, 2020
“When shopping with rambunctious children, a good rule of thumb is to pretend you don’t know them until it’s time to leave the store.”
-Chel Owens
Month: November 2020
Ten Little Monkeys and One Tired Mommy
November 26, 2020
Despite my plans to doze off soon, like right at sev’n-o-two,
My child’ren say they’re much too wired, they say that they aren’t tired –
And so, those monkeys go ahead, while I daydream of bed;
They fin’lly snooze as daytime breaks. I rest my head…
And it’s awake.
©2020 Chel Owens
November 23, 2020
“I can’t say I’m an inspirational mother. Instead of wise aphorisms or encouragements, my children will remember things like ‘I’m not an octopus,’ and, ‘Your brother’s head is not a weapon.'”
-Chel Owens
November 16, 2020
“They say to never cry over spilt milk. Well, whoever said that clearly never cleaned up after children.”
-Chel Owens
Birthing Plans and Other Best-Laid Mice and Men
November 14, 2020
My second child came into the world the wrong way.
He wasn’t unplanned. He didn’t attempt to escape bum-first. He did ruin all my lovely plans to have a natural birth at a healthy point in the pregnancy with the aid of a midwife.
After being checked into the hospital for monitoring around week 30, I told the nurse I couldn’t possibly be facing a necessary C-Section. “I had a birthing plan!” I protested.
The (bad-news) nurse laughed and said, “It’s always the ones with birthing plans that end up in emergency surgery.”
Rude!
But, what if she was right? What if Fate, Karma, or a teasing God wants to remind pregnant women just who’s in control of the miracle of life? Does that mean we ought not to try?
Of course not.
What I will suggest, to any woman expecting, is to be flexible. I went through the worst weeks ever with that second pregnancy, because every week presented a new set of bad news. First, I passed a blood clot and thought I’d killed my unborn baby. Next, I learned I had a placenta previa and would have to have a C-Section; I said, “Goodbye” to my midwife and our natural birthing class. Then, I had bleed after bleed after ambulance ride after bleed after hospital check-in after bleed after emergency delivery by a vertical C-Section.
No natural birth. And, no future vaginal births.
At the time, I was quite upset. But, as I tell one of my children frequently, it doesn’t do any good to fall down a hole and sit at the bottom of it yelling. It certainly doesn’t do any good to muddy yourself up even more in order to look more pitiful.
I’m disappointed that I couldn’t have my birthing plan. But, I’ve since given birth to three more children. And, I got to schedule every one of them. Surgery’s not ideal, but it sure is convenient for a birthing plan to arrange for babysitting.
So there, bad-news nurse.
©2020 Chel Owens
I Didn't Want to Be a Mother 