Five Minutes Later

Why did I run the load today
When, five minutes later
They’ve come in from play?

Why did I put their cup in the sink
When, five minutes later
They want more to drink?

Why did I have them brush for bed
When, five minutes later
They’re eating some bread?

Why did I make them? I sigh and shrug.
Five minutes later,
One gives me a hug.

magdalena-smolnicka-ksjf0YcC4IA-unsplash

Photo Credit:
Magdalena Smolnicka

 

©2019 Chelsea Owens

The Top Ten Reasons Why Being Pregnant is Awesome

Even I’m getting sick of my whining about child-bearing. In order to practice more positive thinking, I decided to look on the bright side of life. Here are my Top Ten Reasons Why Being Pregnant is Awesome:

10. I always have something to complain about.
If I’m sitting in company or just drooling at the kitchen table, I can pipe in with, “Had more heartburn today.” When meeting someone new and answering their, “I didn’t know you were pregnant. So, how do you feel?,” I have a ready-made list of maladies.

9. If I’m looking for social cred, all I need is a pregnancy or birth announcement.
Not that I pay for analytics, but my top posts on TwoFaceBook are announcements of child-bearing and -birthing sorts. Nine months of fun is a low price to pay for artificial popularity, right?

nicole-honeywill-9s7EOmv2HDA-unsplash

8. I get special treatment whenever I play The Pregnancy Card.
We purchased a used desk when I was just coming off bed rest in June. As I took the stairs one at a time in the woman’s house where we picked it up, I explained about my condition. She wouldn’t even hear of my helping to carry the desk out to the car.
Now if only I could get free food from restaurants for flashing my tummy, I’d be set.

7. I can sleep anywhere, at anytime.
Weeeelll, I actually can’t sleep at bedtime, lying down. Still, it’s a handy skill during school performances and boring conversations. And, because of Reason #8, the person talking doesn’t get offended.

6. I get to wear overlarge, comfortable clothes.
I expect that, by 30 weeks, no one will bat an eye when I walk around in a muumuu.

5. Literally any other woman who’s had a baby wants to give me a hug on a hard day.
One difficult day after dropping my oldest at karate, I drove to the nearest grocery store and miserably shuffled around trying to find an edible food item. I ended up at the deli counter staring morosely at the chicken tenders. After I explained my condition to the older woman working there, she said, “You poor dear. I remember those days!”
Pregnancy is a camaraderie sort of thing.

saul-ruiz-s5Y9tb7k9y4-unsplash

4. I do not have to diet.
Obviously I should not go overboard and assume that all-you-can-eat applies to every meal, but taking dieting off the table has been wonderful.

3. I do not have to exercise.
Yes, exercise is important. Yes, many women run a marathon whilst expecting. The general rule is to continue at the activity level one was at before impregnation which, for bed rested me, was not much. I’ve been thinking about it as the Couch2Bed Program.

2. I get an easy excuse for anything.
This is pretty much like #8, but applied all across the board. Dropped my glass? Forgot shoes? Late by two hours? Sorry; pregnant.

1. If all goes well, I get a baby at the end.
I’m just going to insert a few, cute stock photos here.

Not everyone can get pregnant, I know. For those who’ve done it and now wonder what they’ve gotten into, I hope I’ve given you a bit to think about besides heartburn as well.

Now, go take that nap. Eat that bag of chips. Forget that train of thought. You’ve got a baby to make!

Baby

—————

Sunday, July 28: “Why the Heck Would Anyone Get Pregnant?,” a post discussing the reason for impregnating and birthing.

Monday, July 29: Wrote “Pregnancy Limerick.”

Tuesday, July 30: Shared an inspirational image from Pinterest about motherhood.

Wednesday, July 31: Recommended watering down juices.

Thursday, August 1: “Frugal Decorating,” a snippet about the unintentional side effects of decoration neglect.

Friday, August 2: Thought about life goals and housework in, “The Dishes and Other Evils.”

Saturday, August 3: Shared The Mum Bum‘s tweet about pregnancy.

Sunday, August 4: That’s today!

 

Photo Credits:
Suhyeon Choi
Nicole Honeywill
Unsplash
Unsplash
Chayene Rafaela
Filip Mroz

 

©2019 Chelsea Owens

Big Announcement

I announced this over at my main blog, to my family, and even to a sweet deli counter worker at Smith’s who totally understood why I was miserably ordering a fried chicken strip: I am expecting a baby.

This is the most recent picture of little Skeletor.

Baby

I am about 12 weeks along and the baby always looks great on ultrasounds -which I’ve had five of. Problem is, I’ve also had some bleeding due to a chorionic hematoma or two. The more you learn, right?

So, sorry about the intermittent postings on this blog. I’ve been sick. Like; sick, sick, sick. Then I’ve been on bed rest.

We find out what sort of creature we’re having in about a month. Who thinks it’s yet another boy?

—————

Sunday, June 9: “A Bona Fide Reason to Cook with Your Kids.” Despite knowing that teaching cooking and baking would prove useful in my children’s lives, I was happily surprised to have it come to fruition.

Monday, June 10: Wrote a poem titled, “Boy Mom Bathroom Haiku.”

Tuesday, June 11: Shared a quote by Sue Atkins.

Wednesday, June 12: Shhh! Whispered my top-secret flour-measuring method in a second Baking Tip.

Thursday, June 13: “Do As I Say But Not As I Do,” a quick thought about the slight hypocrisy of parental advice.

Friday, June 14: Embraced the mess in “Rainy Days and Mondays Don’t Have to Get You Down.”

Saturday, June 15: Shared Marissa‘s tweet about Daniel Tiger’s accuracy.

Sunday, June 16: That’s today!

 

©2019 Chelsea Owens
After all, I made him/her. You know, with help.

Happy Mother’s Day?

The sun isn’t very bright yet when she wakes to the sound of loud whispering, to the sight of a homemade paper card a few millimeters from her face. The smell is that of unsorted laundry; bedsheets a tad late for their cleaning, with an infusion of overdue diaper. She doesn’t seem able to lift her legs, or one arm. Even her lower extremities are penned as the sleepy man to her side wakes enough to stretch and embrace what he can reach affectionately.

Using her free hand, she grasps at the paper and pulls it to the range at which she can make out its contents. It’s too early, her brain complains, to decipher Cyrillic. She blinks and refocuses. Ah, she realizes, those were flowers -and probably people. Maybe letters.

Taking a guess, she attempts speech. “How nice, Sweetheart!” The artist frowns at the unusually croaky sounds. She clears her throat some, and tries again. “I see you drew me and you and flowers…” She relaxes as his scowl turns to smiles. Satisfied, he turns and falls off the bed, relieving one pinned leg.

The next boy thrusts his offering at equal facial distance to the first, then turns and frowns disinterestedly at the wall. This one is definitely English; it’s even partially typed. She sees he is clearly the most talkative child on paper, too, with so many one-word responses to this standard form his class was given. Age: 33, Hair: brown, Favorite food: food. She smiles, then looks more strained at the next two answers he’d supplied: She likes to … do dishes, She’s really good at … doing dishes. She tries to look grateful as he’s pretending not to watch but really is. “Thanks, Honey,” she smiles and is not surprised as he shrugs and dodges her attempts to hug him. He, too, leaves the bed and another leg free.

She looks to her other arm and her other half. Both smile up at her with similar expressions. Genetics will do that. “I love you, Mommy,” the wet diaper owner says sweetly. He cringes adorably as she kisses a plump cheek.

Dad sighs again and sits up. “Let’s go make Mommy breakfast,” he tells his youngest. He scoops her remaining impediment into the air playfully. He looks down at the bedheaded beauty who birthed them all.

“Happy Mother’s Day,” he says, and leaves.

Finally alone, she looks over her offspring’s offerings, and cries.

kevin-liang-683790-unsplash

(I originally wrote this and posted it on Facebook on May 14, 2017.)

—————

Sunday, May 5: “Parenting is Hard, so Why Still Do It?,” a fantastic piece that came after a really long week.

Monday, May 6: Wrote a ‘poem’ titled, “Short Mom Rap.”

Tuesday, May 7: Shared a quote on patience by Paulo Coehlo.

Wednesday, May 8: Recommended against Sour Patch Kids cereal and others of its milk.

Thursday, May 9: “Those Little Shutterbugs,” a snippet hoping that all those phone pics will lead my kids to a productive life as a photographer.

Friday, May 10: “Take Time for You. Ish.” Advised parents, everywhere, to eschew the guilt and get out.

Saturday, May 11: Shared Heather is a Hot Mess‘s tweet about Magic Socks (or Magic Couches).

Sunday, May 12: Happy Mother’s Day!

Photo Credit:
kevin liang

 

©2019 Chelsea Owens