“Make time for yourself” is my second-favorite parenting advice. It comes right after “Enjoy the moment and don’t stress about the little things like housework, etc.”
Hah.
The problem with making time is that I haven’t achieved that superpower yet. The problem is that, last time I checked, there are still 24 hours in each day. The problem is that I have to care for the physical and emotional needs of human beings and the house they live in during 56 of those 24 hours. I’m already over-booked.
This topic came up tonight in our couples conversation time -you know, another thing I need to make time for. My husband said I am accruing a deficit by working when the children are in bed. He suggested that time ought to be for winding down; working on things that make me happy.
I felt I had enough supporting argument in the unmade bed we sat upon, surrounded by the unsorted laundry, near the still-whispering children we’d sired. He did not.
Half an hour of discussion later and we were no closer to resolution.
So, what do you think? How expensive is a time-stopper on eBay anyway?
Photo Credit: Roberto Nickson
©2019 Chelsea Owens
I Didn't Want to Be a Mother 
I was going to write about this but never got the words right. I completely agree with you – this is one of the biggest myths out there. The ONLY time I got time for myself when I had kids is when I had one baby who napped and SOMETIMES I relished in a little bit of shut eye while baby napped. I used to get so annoyed at my husband because he would complain he had a tough day at his work and so he stopped and went out of his office to take a walk. I sat there with the “Pssshhaaww!” Look on my face realizing RIGHT THERE where the difference was with our “jobs.” Evenings are spent driving around to different kids practices, weekends for all their games. Their is no time. Total myth.
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Yes; this, THIS! These are the sorest arguments because he thinks I don’t appreciate that he works all day. “It’s not a vacation, you know!” he’ll say.
Dude; you got your lunch cook-to-order and went to the bathroom by yourself.
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Exactly!
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Uuuuuugh. I know! People who say that are rich and have nannies. I’m convinced of that. When my husband comes home from work he’s too tired to give me time to myself and if he does it’s about an hour in the tub before a kid breaks down the door and then he says “feel better?” Ummm.. from that one hour out of a million I got alone? Sure. I’m trying to earn money on the side with stock photography and writing but I’m rarely given time to do that because what I do is “just a hobby” and what he does is “a job.” 🙄
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Yes! It’s a Catch-22 where I can only get a job to pay a sitter if it makes more than the sitter; then he tells me he thinks women who think working is more important have their values messed up….
Part of why I try to work is for some sanity, too…
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argh!!!!! So frustrating! And yes, someone said “well, why don’t you put your youngest in daycare” and I was like “because I’d have to work constantly to cover the cost of daycare and never see her or my oldest…” it really is a catch 22
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One of the most lonely things about motherhood is that burden we carry even in the “free” moments. They are not really free. There is always something to do. I can totally relate to what you wrote, and I couldn’t have said it better.
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❤ Thanks. I read a good bit about that stress once; the author called it “mental load.” We’re always ‘on’ as moms.
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I’ve never liked the phrase “making time”. It’s not real, just like “110%” and all those other flippant sayings.
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😀 “Give it 110% -but we can’t give you 5 out of 5 on your performance review or you won’t have room to improve.”
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Lol 😂. You nailed it on the head, as usual. 👷♀️
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#truestory
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You need to go out when your husband is home. He should be helping out around there too!
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He says he doesn’t get time to himself, either. It’s true…
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